


Basically A Blackmailer

by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle



Series: Storytime: Voltron is (Basically) a Disaster [8]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: @Shiro and Adam, Attempt at Humor, F/F, F/M, Family, Fluff, Gen, Hello again, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Language, M/M, Matt is pretty much the spoiled 3rd wheel of his group, Sexual Tension, as usual
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-10-31 16:38:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17853266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffeinatedFlumadiddle/pseuds/CaffeinatedFlumadiddle
Summary: "One day...I'll be so powerful that you're going to do whatever I say." Matt informed his friends. Adam and Shiro groaned from the bed."How...Did...You...Get...In...My...Apartment?!" Adam screamed, voice slightly muffled by the pillow."At three in the morning," Shiro added with a yawn "Also, you can't just walk into people's room while their sleeping and announce that stuff, Matt. It's weird.""I just thought you guys should know." Matt shrugged.OrMatt knows all of Adam and Shiro's dirty secrets. He's not afraid to use them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I haven't done this in a while... If you're new here then know this is part of a series, but I usually try to make these able to be read by themselves. It'll have some references to other fics, but nothing too confusing. If you want to read the other parts of the series, here is a quick guide:  
> Basically Home Schooled (Keith's Fic)  
> Basically Heterosexual (Shiro's fic)  
> Basically American (Lance's fic)  
> Basically a Criminal Mastermind (Hunk's fic)  
> Basically a Man (Pidge's fic)  
> Basically a Secret Agent (Adam's fic)  
> Basically a Family (Adam and Shiro's marriage fic)  
> Basically some OneShots (my dumping place for other randomness that happens in this series)

Matt met Shiro when he was nine.

Unlike most kids, he had gotten into the Garrison program a few years early...Mainly due to the fact he had finished elementary school early after skipping a few grades and had nothing better to do than apply. Also, his dad made him and had some pull there so...Yeah. He wouldn't _officially_ be enrolled in the program until he was older and passed all the right exams so he was pretty much just auditing classes for the next couple years.

It wasn't like he was _baby_ compared to the all the eleven-year-olds out there, but that didn't mean the older kids wanted to talk to him. So really, Matt needed an ally. Someone to force other people to like him. Someone...Tall. Strong. Intimidating. Someone who would set them straight. Someone-

"No...No _Takashi_. I...Why do you keep saying Tiki-she? That sounds nothing like my name. Ta...Okay, why don't you just call me Shiro?"

 _Him_. He was the one.

The boy didn't look particularly big or strong, but Matt knew his name which is more than he had on anyone else in this room.

"Hi Shiro!" He called, bouncing over to where the boy had given up on trying to teach the girl he was talking to his name. The boy stared at him, looking around to ensure that Matt was speaking to him before looking back at him.

"Uh...Hi." He blinked "Do we know each other?"

"Yeah! We're best friends." Matt told him and sat down in the empty chair "My name is Matt, remember?"

"Oh...Um, yeah! Of course!" Shiro said and Matt beamed at him. Perfect. This boy would work out _splendidly._ "We met at the...Thing."

"Yeah!" Matt encouraged him "With the people!"

"And the stuff!"

"Oh, I'm so happy you remember!" Matt said and shook his head "It would have sucked if you'd forgotten..." He smiled and clapped his hands together. "See you at lunch!" He called and nodded to himself. A friend had been made. Mission accomplished.

* * *

Shiro was a good friend. Matt had expected him to be pretty average considering he had just picked him at random, but maybe fate was on his side. The boy never made fun of him for his age, always covered for him when he was late, and never tried to flirt with the same girls Matt tried to flirt with.

"You're nine," Shiro informed him one day "Maybe you shouldn't have a girlfriend."

Ugh. Traitor.

"Well you're _eleven_. Maybe you _should_ have a girlfriend!" He shot back and watched as his friend wrinkled his nose a little.

"I don't know... I mean. Girls are pretty!" He said and Matt sighed in agreement, thinking of the pretty girl in their class with the dark eyes...What was her name? Elena? "But I don't want to _kiss_ them." Shiro said with a shake of his head "I might hurt them or something."

"Then kiss them gently." Matt suggested and Shiro made another face.

"I'm going to wait until I'm an adult to kiss _anybody_." He said and Matt rolled his eyes. He had made friends with a dork. He supposed it could have been worse...He could have become friends with a horrible womanizer who stole all of his potential girlfriends. Truly, a crisis for someone his age. Granted, he had promised his mom that he wouldn't like girls until he was sixteen, but his mom wasn't here and Matt knew for a fact that all the cool kids on TV had girlfriends. He went and sat down next to Shiro.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll have plenty of people to kiss when you're older." He reassured his friend and Shiro shrugged, pulling his knees to his chest thoughtfully.

"Kissing sounds weird."

Well...Shiro had other redeeming qualities. Matt's coolness would surely protect Shiro for getting picked on. Now. All Matt had to do was meet a girl...

* * *

As it turned, Shiro ended up in a relationship before Matt did. Traitor. Only...It didn't quite go as either of them expected.

"I have a boyfriend." Shiro announced as he walked into their shared room. After some begging on Matt's part, Sam had agreed to rearrange their rooming situation so they could live together. Matt tilted his head to the side. Despite the news, his friend didn't look...Happy with the outcome. Matt sat up.

"You can _do_ that?" He demanded and Shiro sat in the middle of their floor.

"I guess so," He shrugged and held up a flower "Jaden Grasso gave me this and said that he _loved_ me during class today!" Shiro wailed and laid in the middle of the floor. "I'm a kid. I don't know about love." He whispered. Matt peered over at him.

"You better learn."

" _Matt_!" He whined and rolled over "You know about it right? You talk about girls a lot. Do you think it can be the same with boys?" He asked and Matt shrugged.

"I don't know. Maybe he meant he loved you in the non-girl way." He suggested and Shiro nodded at that, brows furrowing together.

"So...It's an American thing..." He murmured. Matt wasn't sure what he meant by that. He knew that Shiro was from Japan, but as far as he knew - Japan was the same as America, right? It was just a different place. Shrugging, he went back to his magazine. He needed to figure out how to look cool. According to the kids in class that _weren't_ Shiro...He needed some help.

"Do you think I look like this guy?" He asked, holding up a photo of a guy posing by the beach in a bathing suit. Shiro shook his head. Huh. "How about this one?" He asked and turned the page to where a guy was putting on some sort of coat while looking dramatically off camera.

"I'm...Not sure. Look that way." Shiro instructed and Matt tried to mimic the pose "No...Move more this way." He said and centered Matt on his bed "You also need a coat." He nodded and dashed to their closet, pulling out one of their more formal outfits "Here, try this!" He said and Matt tried to replicate the man in the photo. "No...You have to do it like this." Shiro told him and took the coat from him to also mimic the man.

"No fair!" Matt moaned "You look _just_ like him except not as muscle-ish." He grumbled. Shiro beamed. "Try this one," Matt told him, a bit begrudgingly and turned the page to the next one. Shiro stared at it for a moment before posing again. "Ugh. It's perfect. I hate you."

"Why do you need to look like that?" Shiro asked, jumping up at the end of Matt's bed. "Are you going to be in a magazine too?"

"No," Matt sighed "But that's a good idea! I need a good picture for the yearbook!" He said "They're going to take our pictures soon and I need to be _ready_." He said, pounding his fist into his hand "People are going to look at this _forever_!" He grumbled "I need to practice looking perfect."

"Oh...Okay. I can take your picture." Shiro shrugged "So that you can practice."

"...You are the single most important person in my life."

"That's what Jaden told me too."

* * *

"So...Um...I was, uh....Thinking..." Matt said and _damnit_ this was not going how he planned it. He was ten now! He should be able to pull himself together and spit this out "I...Got you a flower!" He said and thrust the pink perennial in front of him. Elena gasped, eyes wide as she saw the flower.

"Thank you!" She said and smiled at him. Yes! _Yes_! Matt did it! He basically had a girlfriend now. He couldn't wait to tell Shiro-

"But I'm in love with Andrew..." Elena told him, expression going dreamy.

His life was _over_.

There was only one thing to do in such a situation...

"Hello?"

"Pidge, I _miss you_ ," He whined into the phone "Why can't you be smart enough to skip some grades and come here too?" He asked and he heard his sister growl on the other end of the phone.

"I am too smart enough!" She yelled "And I miss you too, _jerk_! When are you coming to visit? Mom misses you too and I bet you're just doing easy classes anyways." She sniffed and Matt smiled. In the grand scheme of things he supposed he didn't need Elena to love him. He had his sister and it was _much_ more impressive to have her love anyways. 

* * *

"Hey...Shiro?"

"Matt is it three in the morning, please go to sleep."

"Okay, but I've been thinking...I know how I want to die."

" _What_?!" Shiro demanded and rolled over so he could peer down at Matt from the top bunk "You're not going to die within the next hundred years, idiot. Now let me sleep." He said and slammed back down on his mattress. Matt waited a few seconds before sleeping again.

"So what I'm thinking is that I got missing for a year. Everyone assumes I'm dead, right? The only clue to my disappearance is you. You are the last person who saw me alive."

"Because I'm the murderer?" Shiro asked tiredly "That sounds right..."

"No. You're distraught over my apparent death. Anyways, the last thing I tell you is to 'follow the trail of hearts' which is the only lead anyone has because somewhere in Florida there's literal hearts in the street-"

"I don't understand your mind and I don't want to. Let me _sleep_."

"So a year passes by with nothing - and then - BAM! I'm found _alive_ in Utah. Police swarm around me and realize I'm badly wounded. Bullet holes are in my chest and I have minutes left to live. You fly in on a chopper and rush to my side...'Matt...Matt who did this to you?' you say and I gasp my final breaths in your arms, unable to give an answer. The only thing I get out is 'Tell...Miranda...She was right...' and then I _die_. Bam. Who is Miranda? We don't know. You make a statue in my honor with the message inscribed in a plague. Someone mysteriously leaves flowers there every year on my birthday." He said, ending it with a whisper.

"Wow...That was...."

"Good, huh?"

"Incredibly unnecessary."

"It's like you don't _care_ about my death, sometimes!"

* * *

"I think I like dick..."

"Like...You're own?" Matt said, rolling over. Shiro was fourteen now, meaning he had grown a little bit so he was literally twice the size of Matt. Still, he looked small at this announcement. "I think I do too...I'm not sure why...."

"No. Like... _Boys_." Shiro informed him "Like remember when Jaden was my boyfriend? I think he liked me how boys like girls and I think I liked _him_ like that." He explained and Matt tilted his head. Oh. He knew people like that. "It's called gay. I took a quiz online...It said I was... _questioning_."

"You took a quiz online to see if you were gay?"

"Yeah."

"If you took a quiz then I think you have your answer." Matt told him and Shiro froze, looking absolutely shocked at this revelation. "Can we go back to talking about my dick? Because I'm a little confused in some areas-"

* * *

Matt was in a situation.

Well...He suppose _he_ technically wasn't in the situation, but that was the sucky part of it. How was he supposed to fix things he wasn't involved in? Sighing, he collapsed in one of the nice chairs of the library and tapped a pencil to his lips as he looked at the books that surrounded him. Personally, he had never had any trouble making friends. He had discovered (as proven with Shiro) it was really quite easy to trick people into it.

But maybe...He should look more into the traditional side of things.

"Looking to replace me?" Shiro asked as he sat down, eyes warily glancing at all the friendship books that sprawled over the desk and floor. "You could have used a more subtle hint." He told him lightly and Matt scoffed, sighing as he tossed one of the books to the side.

"My sister is sad," He admitted, tucking a foot under his leg "None of the kids at school like her...She's probably too smart for them." He added with a shake of his head. That was one part of the situation he understood. It could be frustrating to be bursting at the seams to talk about nuclear calculations and engineering software only for nobody else to care or even know what you're saying. "I'm trying to see if I can find something helpful for her." He explained and Shiro's eyes softened at that.

"Need any help?" He asked and Matt smiled before sliding two books for him.

"Sure! Go to the table of contents and find out if it says how to deal with insults or teasing. Then find good conversation starters - I get the feeling she isn't trying to talk about boys or parties with them." He said fondly and Shiro nodded solemnly as he flipped open the first book with pure determination.

"At least your sister has one friend." Shiro told him and Matt paused in writing something down to stare at his friend blankly.

"She does? Who? How do _you_ know?" He demanded "You've talked to her?"

"I meant _you_ , Matt."

"Gross. Pidge is too lame to be my friend."

* * *

"Adam hates me."

"Yep."

"He _hates_ me."

"That is the general consensus, yeah."

"Oh my God...He _hates_ me."

"So do I right now," Matt groaned "The real tragedy here is that I _failed_ a quiz. Me? _Me_? I'm smart. Hell, I am arguably the _smartest_. In the world."

"I can't believe I told him I was a better pilot! What idiot does that?"

"I think Mr. Otto is working against me somehow...He must not like people of superior intellect..."

"I meet a cute boy and I fuck it up. Great. _Great going, Takashi_!"

"Has nobody told him I'm the smartest one here? What's this all about? I can file a lawsuit for this. I have _rights_!"

"I can't apologize to him...I know you said I should, but...No? No!"

"What do you think I should do? Is it possible I'm wrong...? No. You're right, that's silly to think..."

"I'm fifteen! I'm an adult, basically. I can...I can tell him I'm sorry and then maybe we can hold hands."

"I should just confront him. Tell him how I feel. Stick it to the man!"

"You're right...I shouldn't expect anything. If he could just stop _hating_ me I would be happy. Hold handing it a little too PG-13 anyways."

"Thanks, Shiro. You give good advice."

"No problem - you're a great listener."

* * *

"I'm Adam."

"I know," Matt said, looking him up and down "I hear you don't hate Shiro anymore." He said and Adam shrugged. He was pretty small for his age - closer to Matt's size than Shiro's with light brown hair and dark eyes. On the front of his uniform was a pair of glasses that Matt knew he used solely for reading since 'glasses were for dorks' to which Matt wholly agreed with...That's why he got rid of his. 

"You're Matt, right?" Adam prompted and he nodded, trying to gauge exactly how he felt about this kid. Sure, Shiro liked him - _that_ was clear... But Shiro also had the judgement of an oblivious sea lion. Matt was usually the one to decide exactly how evil people were. "Want an Oreo?" Adam asked and from out of his pocket appeared packaged of cookies. Matt stared.

"Can I have two?"

"One and a half."

"What if I tell you that I have milk in my door room?"

"Then you can have three." Adam told him and Matt offered his hand in solidarity. Adam took it with a nod.

"Can I have an Oreo?" Shiro asked, from where he had been watching the two with an air of exasperation. Matt and Adam looked at one another.

"No." They said in unison.

* * *

"So...Let me get this straight... Shiro was an adorable child who didn't realize he was gay despite having a boyfriend?" Lance reiterated and threw up his hands "Well, damn Matt! We could have guessed that ourselves! We are looking for solid blackmail material here!" He said and Keith nodded next to him. "Our lives _depend_ on it."

"Hey, now." Matt frowned "I'm just getting warmed up. I agreed to help you take the Shirogane-Frasiers down and I _will_. Would I ever steer you wrong?" He asked and Keith and Lance exchanged wary looks before shrugging "I - _guys_ , come on." He whined "No! We're allies now. Bros. A team..." He said and held up a finger "Did I mention that Adam met Shiro's boyfriend?" He asked and Lance narrowed his eyes.

"Shiro told us that Adam didn't realize he was gay until after they started dating." He frowned and Matt smiled at him.

"Yeah...That's the best part," Matt told him "Adam was so confused on why Shiro was introducing him to this random guy. _And_ I haven't told you about Shiro's emo phase." He added and _that_ got Keith's attention.

"Shiro had an emo phase?"

"He wasn't always a pro with the eyeliner...He also had some _really_ cringy poetry."

"Why didn't you lead with that!" Keith yelled "That's the shit we need!" He said and Matt pouted.

"You didn't want to hear about me being a good brother?"

"Nah, that was cute. You can tell us more of that too." Lance said "Hey, want to grab some food while you give us the intel? I'm hungry." He said, sitting up "Also, have I told you all the nonsense Pidge did when we were in space? We once got separated on a mission and she built replicas of us out of trash." He said and Matt rose an eyebrow "She also had this pet robot named Rover." 

"Rover? Ugh. Terrible naming skills."

"I _know_ , right?"

"Why do I feel like the third wheel right now?" Keith sighed as he got up to follow them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matt deserves his own fic. I haven't been giving him the attention he deserves. 
> 
> Context if you haven't read my other fics:  
> -The last scene of these are in the present while the parts before that are in the past...So it is essentially like Matt is telling the story, but you get the detailed version.  
> -Keith and Lance are dating  
> -you won't actually see Adam and Shiro getting together since I've written that in more detail [here.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17414684/chapters/41382692) Also, you should know that Adam spent a solid 3 months unaware that he was dating Shiro.  
> -When Shiro and Adam met, Shiro accidentally insulted him by implying he was a sucky pilot and Adam got all offended so that's why they originally hated each other (Adam more than Shiro) and were friends for a few years before dating. 
> 
> ...I think should be all. 
> 
> Thanks for dropping by!


	2. Chapter 2

Adam was kind of stupid.

Okay. Fine. That was rude and not exactly true. Adam was incredibly intelligent, actually. But like... He was also kind of stupid.

"Takashi is really good friends with Travis, huh?" The man in question noted as Shiro nervously bounced back and forth as he talked, looking everywhere but the guy he was talking to. Matt rose an eyebrow. "He's really cute..."

"Who? Shiro or Travis?" Matt asked and Adam blinked, gaze redirecting to where Matt was slurping his milk.

"Oh. I don't know." He muttered and went back to stabbing his food. "I should probably be studying...We're all watching a movie later, right? Tell Takashi I'll see him then." He said, shrugging his backpack over his shoulder.

"Will do." Matt snorted and watched as his friend raced out of the cafeteria. Shiro skipped over a few seconds later, flushed and grinning.

"Okay. What do you think?" He asked and Matt grinned back at him.

"That you're a dork."

"Come on! I helped you out with Sarah!" He said and Matt shrugged before torturing Shiro a bit longer by slowly cutting his food up and taking a long bite, savoring it for a few seconds.

"Well...It would help if you _looked_ at him every once in a while," Matt started and held back laughter at Shiro's revived blush "Also, he stared at your lips a lot so I think you would probably get a yes if you asked him out." He added and this news seemed to rattle his friend as he slumped down and groaned in his arms.

"Are you _sure_?" He asked, peeking out over his arm and Matt flicked a piece of mashed potatoes at him.

"Yes...Also, Adam said he was going to study and he would see you later," He added as he noticed Shiro's eyes hovering over the empty seat. "Have you told him you're gay?" He added and Shiro blinked at that.

"Uh...No. It hasn't come up. Why?"

"No reason...You know _he's_ gay right?" He asked and Shiro continued to stare. "Uh...Shiro? Did I break you?" He asked and after a few seconds of watching the other boy attempt to form a sentence and fail, Matt figured he would answer the question he trying desperately to ask "He's slept with half the boys here." He shrugged "I figured you would have heard about it."

"Through what? Gaybook?" Shiro snapped at him "He hasn't slept with _me_." He said and paused "Uh, not that I want him to."

"Right, right. Of course not. Side note - you haven't slept with _anyone_. The two boys you've dated was...Well. Jaden and you guys were like twelve and just held hands and gave each other flowers-"

"Shut up."

"-And that very concerning goth kid and that lasted like...Three days."

"Three weeks. Why can't you let me live my life?" Shiro muttered, turning bright red "Just. Shut up, okay? I like Travis now... And he's good, right?"

"Definitely attractive." Matt agreed "I also broke into the school's computer to check out his grades-"

"You _what_?"

"I'm a ride or die friend, Shiro." Matt dismissed "Anyways, he's...Passable. Not as smart as you or me or even Adam for that matter..." He mused "But he'll probably graduate on time." He informed him "Oh, and got the scoop on his family. They're cool. No homophobes and he's out of the closet so that makes your life easier. Also, I did some research on his diet... You might want to consider slipping him some vitamins. It's truly horrid. He had skittles for breakfast."

"You once ate frosting from a can for dinner. It was disgusting."

"I'm just _saying_. You want the other person you're dating to be healthy, right?" He asked and Shiro tensed at that. Matt blinked at the change in demeanor, watching as the other boy's eyes fell from Matt to the floor. "Uh...I mean. It's not a red flag, I guess...Are you okay?" He frowned and Matt tilted his head.

"Um...How mad would you be if I said I've been keeping a secret from you?"

"Depends on the secret. If you're straight then I would be kind of mad considering I spent all those hours doing research." Matt shuddered and when Shiro cocked his head in confusion, shrugged "You know... I wanted to up to date on all the gay knowledge. I follow like...Twelve blogs. Also, I'm stalking all the gay celebrities. Speaking of which, did you _hear_ what happened to that movie star on-"

"Matt," Shiro interrupted, but his shoulders were relaxing a little at his friend's ramble "Don't worry. I'm gay... I just...Am not...Completely healthy?" He tried and Matt hummed.

"Do you need some medicine or something? I have some stuff back in my dorm."

"No, uh, not like that."

A pause.

"Like...In the head? Do you need a therapist?"

"No - well. Maybe. We can come back to that...But I'm talking more like...physically chronic." He said slowly, watching Matt's face carefully "The slowly dying kind?"

Matt stared. Right. Okay. He could digest this. He could. A knot was twisting in his stomach. He forced himself to take a breath, pushing away the horror slowly rising in his throat. He needed to respond. Say something. Shiro was watching him cautiously, hand reaching out as if to grab him across the table if he fainted.

"By slowly do you mean...Like until you're ninety kind of slowly...?"

"More like twenty-five," Shiro sighed. Fuck. _Fuck_. Why was he just hearing about this now? "I'm sorry, I-"

"So we have less than eight years to get you laid. Jesus Christ, Shiro. I'm not a miracle worker."

"I - first of all, I am offended at the implication that eight years isn't enough time when apparently Adam has already slept with everyone-"

"Yeah, well you aren't Adam, are you? You're sweet and shy and all that shit. Adam is like...Satan on cocaine." He grumbled. Quite frankly, Matt liked Adam's need to cause problems for the world...But that wasn't the point.

"Whatever. Also, why is that your first response to me literally _dying_?" He added and Matt gestured frantically.

"I don't deal with grief well! I kind of feel like crying...Would that be better?" He shot back and Shiro made a face before shaking his head "Well...We got to make you the most intense bucket list ever. Forget school. This is first priority now." 

"But the one thing on my bucket list is to graduate so I can go to space."

"Forget everything else. School is now first priority."

"But Travis...?"

"Honestly, you make me feel like I'm the one dying, Shiro."

"You're lucky I'm not sensitive, Matt."

* * *

Matt loved his best friend. He truly, truly did.

He loved him _so much_ in fact, that Matt often had to add a 'no homo' to some of their interactions to clarify he actually didn't want to kiss the guy. However... There were some things that... He just couldn't defend him. Now, for example. There was nothing Matt could say or do that would rectify...This.

"...I love it." Adam whispered and Matt groaned, running a hand over his face. Fucking Shiro.

"This is so embarrassing." He muttered, "Adam, we _can't_ tell him we found this." He said and Adam held the notebook close to his chest, an evil smirk hinting at his lips.

"But look!" He argued and opened it again "It's filled with...Beauty, really. Grace. Inspiration." He said, flipping through the pages "I love the way his mind works. My favorite one so far is how he spent three pages ranting about the pronunciation of awry." He said and paused "Or...Wait. Is it...aww-ree? Or aw-rye? I...He has some valid points."

"It's uh-rye, dumbass. And it's a diary. That makes it personal." He reasoned and at that, Adam sighed, looking dejectedly at the notebook.

"Does it?" He asked and went to put it back on the shelf where they had meant to grab Shiro's textbook, only for something to slip out from between the pages. Frowning, Adam reached down to grab it. He paused. "No..." He whispered and Matt frowned, looking over Adam's shoulder.

" _No_!" Matt gaped "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"He has a fake ID? And hasn't gotten us any drinks?" Adam demanded and slammed down the card " _Betrayal_!"

"That bitch!" Matt gasped. Honestly. How could he? How _could he_? Before Matt could completely sink into a tirade of treason, the door opened revealing the traitor in question. Adam crossed his arms.

"Who's a bitch?" Shiro asked, tossing his bag to the side "Is it that kid from...That's mine." He said blankly as Matt waved the card around "Um. Where did you get that?" He asked nervously and Adam scowled.

"It was in your beautifully worded diary!"

"You - you _went through my stuff?_ " Shiro gasped "What the Hell?"

"We had to betray your trust to learn that you betrayed ours!" Adam reasoned "The ends justify the means!"

"Dude...Somebody has not done a good job teaching you social skills." Matt mused, looking at the other boy with a hint of curiosity "Who the Hell raised you?"

"My German nanny." Adam shrugged. Matt paused. Of course. How silly of him. "Not the point. Who got you the fake ID, Takashi? And why haven't we reaped the benefits of such greatness?" He demanded and Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I... Fuck my life." Shiro grumbled and went to snatch the card from him. Adam pulled away with a raised eyebrow. " _Fine_. A few years back, one of the graduating cadets got me a fake ID after I helped him cheat on his final." He admitted and was greeted with loud gasps and swears from his friends "It was just _one time_!"

"You helped someone _cheat_? Why didn't they ask me?" Matt frowned, a little offended. He was clearly the kid genius. Shouldn't be the first person people asked? Shiro rolled his eyes. "And you said _yes_? You?"

"Why do you guys act like I'm such a goody-two-shoes?" Shiro demanded "I break rules. I'm rebellious."

"You awkwardly wait a solid two minutes to hold the door open for the people behind you." Adam pointed out and Matt nodded, gesturing at the other boy "You also refuse to eat hot dogs because you feel as though the name is morally ambiguous and supports normalizing eating dogs...Which still doesn't make sense."

"Yes, it does!" Shiro began heatedly and Matt groaned "You can't-"

"Hot dogs have been around for _hundreds of years_. And no dumbass has gone 'oh, I ate this dog because of hot dogs' or some nonsense like that. It's stupid."

"You're not listening! You need to look at this logically-"

" _There is no logic to this argument, Takashi_."

"HELLO!" Matt yelled loudly "I'm still waiting to hear why we were not told about this fake ID!" He said and the pair immediately stopped their bickering to glower at one another.

"I'm still waiting to hear why you were going through my stuff..." Shiro sighed "Listen. I...Don't take this the wrong way or anything...But sometimes you two can be...A little..." He paused looking Adam and Matt over "Not subtle." He said slowly.

"Subtle?" Matt asked, "I can be very subtle."

"What does subtle mean?" Adam asked blankly and Shiro pointed at him as if his point had just been proven. "No, like. I know what it means by definition, but why would I ever need to be subtle? It doesn't suit me."

"This is exactly why you didn't get to know." Shiro deadpanned "Now, let's revisit the fact you went through my journal."

"Why is this an issue?" Adam groaned "I thought it was a lovely read."

"It's _private_." Shiro said and when Adam furrowed his brows, sighed "It has some stuff that I _don't_ want other people knowing about."

"Why wouldn't you want people to know that stuff? It's all very interesting." Adam shrugged "But I guess if it bothers you so much I won't finish it...Uh, I put a bookmark in. You can just take that out..." He shrugged and Shiro gave him an exasperated look before yanking the diary off the shelf and pausing.

"You got this far?" He asked nervously and Matt shrugged. In all fairness, he thought they were Shiro's class notes for a solid twenty minutes...Just with a lot of tangents. "So....Um..." He started and paused "We're just going to ignore the poems then."

"Definitely." Matt agreed "Definitely. Absolutely. Without question."

Shiro sighed.

"You're a good friend."

"I have some questions first," Adam started and Shiro turned to shake his head at him. "I just want to know if the peanut butter was...Like. _Literal_ peanut butter or if it was supposed to be symbolic." He began and clapped his hands together "Because I feel like it was a very reflective piece on society if it was symbolism." He said and Matt stared. Nowhere in that damn poem had there been any mention of peanut butter. What was he-

"It was! I tried to make it subtle!" Shiro gasped. Matt looked blankly between the two. Had he just missed something? What the Hell was-

"Wait," He interrupted them "Are you...Referring to the actual peanut butter that was stuck on the page?" He asked warily and Adam rolled his eyes.

"Obviously it was part of the poem, Matthew. Please keep up."

"Adam...Sometimes you just get me." Shiro said "Like. I can't believe this."

"You two are so fucking annoying," Matt sighed "Shut up."

* * *

"Shh... _Shh_. Come on. Be cool... _Be cool, damnit_." Shiro hissed at them as he led his friends inside of the store "Just. Wait here, okay?" He sighed and went up to the register. Adam watched him go with wide eyes, nudging Matt a little with his elbow.

"He's so cool." He said "Don't tell him I said it...But he's so cool." He murmured and Matt made a face, ducking a little when he watched Shiro lean up against the counter, smiling brightly at the cashier as he pulled out his wallet.

"What if he gets caught?" Matt asked, "Should we cause a distraction?"

"Oh...Definitely." Adam whispered back. "Let's see if the lady buys it though." He whispered and they both leaned in, trying to hear Shiro conversing with the cashier as she began ringing up his items.

"Can I see your ID please?" She asked, rubbing her eyes a little before letting her gaze fall to the clock on the wall. Shiro nodded.

"Here you go...That would be my identification. Of me. In the picture. And on the card." He informed her sliding it over. "Because I am of the age one and eight. Together. So, uh, eighteen." Adam shook his head.

"An absolute fucking pro." He whispered, "Why didn't he go to acting school?"

Matt stared.

"Adam. He's totally blowing it."

"What are you talking about? He's a natural!"

"No! We need to cause a distraction _now_." He said and Adam frowned but shrugged. Matt figured he wouldn't need much convincing. "What should we do?"

"Allow me," Adam said and walked over to the customer service desk where a microphone was sitting innocently. Matt widened his eyes, realizing what was going to happen a few seconds before it did. "Hello. My name is, uh, Jonathon and I have a few announcements tonight about store specials." He began and paused "To start out, we hired a professional dancer here tonight. Um... He is the young man with the round glasses and dirty blonde hair. If you beat him in a dance off then you get a gift card of $300 off your groceries. Good luck and good night." Adam finished, leaving Matt to deal with the horror of what was happening.

"HEY! GET OFF THE MICROPHONE!" The cashier yelled, walking away from Shiro's purchase "I swear - _get off_ " She started, but was cut off by a wave of customers rushing over to Matt.

"Are you the dancer?" Somebody called and Matt turned to walk out of the store "Hey! I need that gift card!"

"Nope. Not me." Matt said "Sorry."

"Come on! I have my daughter's ballet lessons to pay for!" Somebody else yelled, "Get back over here!"

"Dance off! Dance off! Dance off!"

He really hated Adam.

* * *

"I'm going to _kill you_ ," Matt hissed as he found his friends waiting for him outside "I just looked like an idiot trying to do the macarena in there! I lost to a six-year-old who did the funky chicken too!" He groaned. _Humiliating_. Absolutely humiliating. "Did you at least get the stuff?" He asked and Shiro grinned before holding up three scratch-off lottery tickets.

"One for each of us!" He beamed and Matt blinked.

"Excuse me?" He asked slowly as Adam and Shiro both started scratching at their tickets "You... _illegally bought lottery tickets_?!" He demanded.

"Uh...Yeah? Was I supposed to get something else?" Shiro frowned. He looked over at Adam, who shrugged.

"Were you supposed...? You know what? Just give me the damn thing." He muttered and snatched the last ticket from him "I swear..."

"I won five dollars!" Adam gasped.

" _Awesome_."

* * *

Break-ups were hard.

Not for Matt. He wouldn't know. The longest he dated someone was six days.

But based off of how sad Shiro was right now...They must be very, very hard.

"Boys are _so mean_." Shiro yelled into his pillow "I'm going to be straight from now on."

"You'll be a wonderful straight man." Matt said, patting his back. Shiro looked at him through teary eyes and made a face.

"No...No boys are so _wonderful_...Why is this _happening to me?!"_ He moaned covered his face with a pillow "Why have I been forsaken?!"

"I...Wow. I just...I hate being forsaken too, Shiro. I guess we all deal with it differently. Want to sneak into a lab and I can blow some stuff up? Does that sound fun?"

"Travis used to blow things up..." Shiro whispered and choked "He didn't use chemistry or anything though. He just threw fire at things. God, I miss him _so much_." He moaned and buried his face into Matt's lap "I think I'm dying quicker than usual."

"You know...I think you need to look on the bright side of things," Matt said slowly, continuing to pat his back awkwardly "You were obviously too good for Travis. Now you're free to do your own thing."

"But _I loved him_."

"Oh boy." Matt winced and dialed the one person who might know more than him on the situation. Letting Shiro continue to blubber onto him, he pressed call.

"What?" Pidge answered, "I'm studying."

"How do you deal with break-ups?"

"I don't even have friends, Matt." Pidge yawned "And you definitely don't have a girlfriend so...This conversation is pointless." She said and after a few seconds spoke again "You, uh, didn't get a girlfriend, did you?" She asked warily "Because honestly, Matt. You need to let me know these things. There are some serious gold diggers out there."

"Well, I'm broke so no worries there." Matt muttered "No, Pidge. My friend is freaking out cause his boyfriend broke up with him. What do I do?" He asked desperately. Despite being an annoying little sister, Pidge did sometimes have bouts of wisdom. He could only hope she'd come through now.

"I don't know. Get him a new boyfriend." Pidge sighed and Matt paused. Now, wait a fucking minute...

"Hey, Shiro...?" He called "Maybe this is a sign you should ask out Adam?" He suggested and the sobbing stopped.

"Adam?"

"Yeah. You guys hang out a lot. I can tell you are kind of crushing. Maybe now that you're single you can see if that might work out?" He tried and Shiro put his head up, curiously glancing up at Matt through bleary eyes.

"You think he would say yes?"

"Obviously," Matt rolled his eyes "Thanks Pidge." He added, ending the call. "So...Uh...We can do that? Oh, look! He's calling now!" Matt yelped as his phone vibrated, showing Adam's posing obnoxiously in his picture. "Hey-"

"YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT!" Adam shrieked as Matt pulled his phone away from his ear "IS TAKASHI THERE? PUT ME ON SPEAKER!"

"No need when you scream like that."

"WALKER ASKED ME OUT! OH MY GOD! I'M DATING WALKER ADAMS!" He yelled and Matt winced. Terrible. Horrible. _Horrible_ timing. "I didn't even know what to say! He's just so...I don't even know! Does this mean my name could potentially be Adam Adams? I can't decide if I love it or hate it! We have our first date tonight - ugh, what am I even going to wear? I should go shopping! Do you guys want to go shopping?" He asked and before Matt could figure out how to respond, Shiro leaned over.

"Yes," He said stoically "I would love to go shopping. I need to pick up some eyeliner."

"I didn't know you wore eyeliner-"

"I do now. Goodbye, Adam." Shiro said and ended the call. A few moments of silence followed.

"We need to stop by the hair salon." Shiro whispered.

"...why?"

"I need bangs to hide the pain I wear in my eyes."

* * *

"So...What exactly inspired this new look?" Adam whispered as he looked over at Shiro. "He looks like that Bucky guy from the superhero movies."

"Who even am I?" Shiro asked as he looked in the window of one of the stores "Why was I even put on this planet? I have accomplished nothing."

"He's...Having a rough time right now." Matt sighed "And let's quickly move away from the tattoo shop before he decides to get teardrops on his face or something." He added and Adam hummed, hoisting one of his bags (and the three bags of stuff he had randomly decided to buy Matt and Shiro) over his shoulder. "You know what I always thought was super cool? Tongue piercings. I would never be brave enough to get one though." He mused.

"Tongue piercing?" Matt grimaced "Ugh. Sounds awful. Why would you ever - _Shiro no_! _Do not enter the store_."

* * *

"Did it hurt?" Adam asked, curiously looking at Shiro's open mouth.

"...No."

"You have eyeliner running down your cheeks." Matt noted.

* * *

"Didn't peg Shiro as an emotional guy." Lance hummed as he bit into his sandwich "I actually kind of blamed him for Keith's inability to express emotions."

"Stop it Lance," Keith said, completely deadpan "You'll make me cry."

"See what I mean?" Lance snorted "But this is good shit. Also, I don't get the thing with the lottery tickets...?" He added, looking at Keith "What the Hell was that?"

"You have to be over eighteen to get a lottery ticket...Or gamble, I think. That might be twenty-one." Matt informed him. Lance frowned. "It's a law. I don't know." He sighed "Anyways, I would like more details on exactly how this information is going to be used to take down Adashi...Or Shadam. What does the media call them again?"

"Lame." Keith said as he sipped his drink "I'm not sure we should completely trust you still."

"I've given you some pretty good intel so far. Why would I double cross you now?" He asked. Lance and Keith exchanged looks.

"I just don't understand why you are betraying them to join forces with us," Lance reasoned "These are your best friends." He noted and narrowed his eyes. "Maybe you're feeding us lies..." He added and Matt sighed.

"I told you...I want revenge. Also, you offered me that coupon to the spa." He shrugged. Keith shook his head. " _Fine_. They forgot my birthday." He muttered, crossing his arms "Which they _never_ forget so I'm kind of mad at them." He added and Lance winced, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

"That's rough, my man... Personally, I trust you." He shrugged and looked over at Keith. There were a few seconds where the other paladin stared him down before nodding slowly. "Okay, so here's the thing. There's been this debate in the media over who is the better couple...Me and Keith - the obvious choice - versus Adam and Shiro. Now, Adam has kind of made this a war so...We have to win."

"I could not care less about winning," Keith announced "But I like seeing Adam sad...Plus, I read online you're supposed to support your boyfriend and so I'm going to support Lance." He added with a nod. Lance beamed at him. "Anyways, we're going to use this blackmail material to make them back out of the competition." He added.

"Interesting ploy..." Matt hummed "Well. If you _really_ want to make a statement I know what would scare them the most." He smiled and threw a quick wink "Plus you happen to be with a resident genius so...I can make the impossible pretty possible if you know what I mean."

Lance leaned forward.

"Continue."


End file.
